A Chip in the Windowsill

Gathering Evidence to the Contrary

Every morning, I sit to meditate in front of my large living room window that faces my backyard. I noticed how often I would take note that right in the center of the windowsill was a chip in the paint. This is a long board, and yet my eyes would go right to the flaw. How typical of our minds to focus on what is different, and label it broken or flawed, just one more thing to fix. This negative focus of our brains developed to keep us safe. This natural tendency of our human brains can however plant a deep erroneous view that if we can just fix things, (other’s flaws or our own) then we will be safe, then we will be loved, then we will be happy.

In response to my awareness of the chip in the paint, I developed a practice of when my eyes went to this spot in the windowsill, I would then scan the whole board. I noticed how small the chip was compared to the surface that was not chipped. It resonated with one of Girez’s teachings which is to ask, “What else is here?” A question asked not to distract or avoid issues or pain, but simply to come into a larger more inclusive view.

HeatherAsh Amara teaches about how we create an agreement (what I refer to as a core belief) based on an incident or experience, usually one that was painful. Then she says we start gathering evidence (real or fake) to confirm that belief. And these beliefs can morph into our identity. Usually, these agreements of “this is how the world is” are subconscious, so we are not even aware we are living by them as if they are a true version of reality. We become so accustomed to finding evidence for our belief that our perception can become so narrow we don’t see anything else. Anything that touches that initial unhealed wound, confirms the belief is true (we notice it because it hurts). Anything to the contrary we may not even notice! Our behavior then aligns with the belief about who we are and our life mirrors it back to us, because that is all we can see. I have heard a couple of teachers say, life doesn’t show us what to believe, it shows it what we believe.

In a private session with someone who had a lifelong history of not being heard, Girez asked the woman to start gathering evidence to the contrary. Compare it to looking at the whole board on the windowsill instead of just the chip in the paint. He asked her to notice each day when people did listen to her. It is a way to start poking holes in the belief or identity which creates a larger perspective and space that facilitates healing of the initial wound.

So, think about what beliefs you have about yourself where you have blocked any evidence to the contrary. Look for beliefs that contain an “always” or “never”. Look for any identity of yourself that makes you lesser than or better than other people (or animals, trees, etc.). Either type of beliefs, inferiority or superiority, causes more separation and is born from the pain of disconnection and lack of a sense of belonging.

Remember most of these types of beliefs are subconscious, that is why practices like meditation that calm the mind and bring us into the present moment, or shamanic journeying which leads us into a non-ordinary state of consciousness, give us the opportunity to identify these beliefs and question their validity. Another way to identify these beliefs is to be aware of what events or interactions cause you anger or hurt your feelings. Then ask, “why did that trigger me?”

Here are some common examples of such basic beliefs that cause us pain and more separation:

No one listens to me.

I am not seen (or it is not safe to be seen).

I am not valued.

I never win.

I have to prove myself.

I’m not likable.

I am always right.

I always blow it (make mistakes).

I don’t make mistakes (or it is not safe to admit mistakes).

I never do harm.

Once you have identified such a belief, see if you have applied it to the relationship with yourself. For instance, if you feel you are always rejected, take time to ponder, where have I rejected myself? Or if you don’t feel heard, are there any parts of yourself that you are not listening to?

Then start balancing the playing field by gathering evidence to the contrary. Look for it each day, in small examples. But also recognize (without judgement, but with amazement at your creative power) that you have been creating behaviors or choosing situations or relationships that reinforce the original belief. Also try to modify the belief to be more inclusive, such as, “sometimes people don’t hear me” or even “most the time people don’t listen to me, but sometimes they do.”

Also note, some beliefs were handed to you by family and culture, so they come with lots of one-sided evidence, some time thousand of years of it. For example, if you find you have a belief that you as a woman are not as valuable as a man, there is a collective agreement that supports that belief. For example, in the U.S. on average, a woman doing equal work as a man still only earns around 84 cents for every dollar earned by a man. Add race into the mix and the disparity gets larger. In the U.S., Black women typically earn between 64 and 70 cents for every dollar earned by White men. (I believe that as we clean up our individual agreements, we are more able to clean up our collective agreements… I want to look for evidence of that.)

Last summer included some deep personal work for me. I came upon a painful belief established as a very young child. As I started looking for evidence to the contrary, I was surprised when I found it, it made me tear up with gratitude. The balm to soothe the wound, and it may have been here all along and I had been blocking even noticing it. There was a sense of relief, “oh good, I am more than just the chip in the paint on the windowsill, I’m the whole board.”

OK, I must confess, I went ahead and puttied the chip and repainted the windowsill. But don’t worry, if I really focus on it I can still see signs of the blemish and can still practice looking at it and then looking at the windowsill as a whole.

Practice: Breaking free of tunnel vision

Take time to look straight ahead and then become aware of your peripheral vision in all directions. Feel into the sense of expansion this brings as you enlarge your view.

This is a great way to start seeing the bigger picture and lets your mental body expand while still maintaining concentration. It is especially helpful for people like me who are working at a computer all day which narrows your visual focus. Try it right now as you are reading this; still keep reading, but include seeing what is in your peripheral vision at the same time.

Wishing you the freedom to see the truth and your wholeness!